Warning: This is going to be uncomfortable.
Someone asked me about changing and growing and used a light bulb as a metaphor. “Isn’t it kind of like the light bulb went on?” I thought about it hard because my transformation is slow happening – it’s the whole “process” ( Ugh I hate that word). But, is it?
When I was about 8 years old my Uncle was molesting me on the top bunk of a bunk bed and near my head was the light switch. As I prayed silently that night for God to save me, I knew that light switch was there. All I had to do was reach my arm up and flick it on. I was frozen though. I couldn’t get my body to move. I kept thinking I’d be in trouble, I was bad, I was naughty and someone would be mad at me. However, I also knew that if I wanted what was happening to stop I literally had to force my hand up and over my hand and flick the switch. I prayed, “God, please turn the light on.” Then, with every ounce of courage I had …. I lifted my arm and turned it on. The abuse stopped immediately.
I’m only telling you this, not to make you squirm or get nauseated, but to make a point that we ALL have those light bulb moments and they are very necessary in our lives. We HAVE TO FORCE our hand. When we KNOW that it is time to make something stop – whether that is an addiction, a negative person in our lives, a bad job, etc., whatever that “thing” is that we know deep within us does NOT seek to serve us positively – we’ve got to turn the light on it.
So, when I was talking with my friend about light bulb moments I realized even with my health I had one. I NEVER EVER looked at myself in the mirror in the bathroom when I got ready in the mornings. I made it a point not to look because if I didn’t look, it didn’t exist. I could pretend I was thinner, healthier, and not slowly killing myself. Then it happened. One day my husband called out to me from the living room as I was about to get into the shower and I turned my head and ……. I saw me. LIGHT BULB.
THAT CANNOT BE ME I thought. I’m a mess! I’m gross! The light bulb went on and I freaked out. I was at the place where I couldn’t shave my own legs, tie my own shoes, and well, there’s a laundry list of can’t I couldn’t do. I was in the dark. Denial. Frozen in fear.
How do you start when it’s so overwhelming? How do you lift your arm when you’re so fearful, even thought the switch is RIGHT THERE?
You take a deep breath. You open your eyes. You take a stand for yourself. You call on someone – whether that is God, a spouse, a friend, or whomever and you cry out for help. You TAKE THE HELP. Then, you take it one day at a time. Stop telling yourself you can’t do it because you’ll eventually fail. Change your language. There’s so many things between A and Z that catapult you into success – but the first step is TURN THE LIGHT ON.